by Amber Older, Simon Ferrari and Willow Older 

This 1250-word story was created by a tribe of three Kiwis located in three different cities and across two different time zones, countries and hemispheres. It was composed over 23 days and nights in September 2021 via a contiguous series of WhatsApp messages. The rules were simple:

1. Each story fragment must comprise two sentences and one zeugma*.
2. Authors must alternate their posts. 
3. There can be no collusion between authors.

*Zeugma is the authors’ favourite literary device – defined as a single verb used to simultaneously apply to multiple subjects in an unexpected fashion. Up until now, zeugma was best exemplified in Joseph Conrad’s 1902 novella, Heart of Darkness: “It was food for thought and also for vultures.”

Today, we’re boldly challenging Conrad’s claim to zeugma fame. We invite you to experience our zeugmasterpiece as it unfolded on WhatsApp…